I recently fell in love with a bartender who absolutely stole my heart. But, as usual, it came with a price.

Margie tended bar at Mo’s Slop and Ale. It was a kinda half-restaurant, half-bar joint. Although I’m a beer connoisseur, for her I made my drink of choice white wine spritzers thinking I would impress her.

On the fifth night visiting the bar, I had dressed to the hilt. Something in my bones suggested our time was at hand. I felt good. I would catch her after work and the game would be on. As the hour progressed to nearly midnight, I got up from my stool to hit the can. I didn’t want any interruptions when Margie got off work.

Coming out of the bathroom, I stopped abruptly. He sat about 6’ 1” on my stool. His beard was untrimmed and hung to his chest, which, in itself, was as big around as a pickle barrel. He was looking for the guy drinking white wine spritzers. Some inconsiderate bum pointed to me and my mouth dropped. The mountain of a man grinned and showed a toothless gum line the color of rotted turnip greens. With a finger the size of a prize-winning cucumber, he beckoned me to his side.

Fearing I might end up looking like a Bloody Mary, I smiled, bowed politely, and turned to leave.

“Hey!” he bellowed from behind. “I said come here!” His snarl sent a shiver into my toes.  “You like girly drinks?” he demanded, dipping his cucumber into my beverage.

“Yes,” I quivered in a voice reminiscent of puberty.

As he roared in laughter, his friend ordered four shots of some foul smelling liquor. He had his third shot in-hand in less than a minute. With a paw the size of a pancake, the grizzly guy grabbed me by the neck.

“This is what real men drink, boy,” he bellowed, draining the third shot. He burped loudly, his breath smelling like a combination of varnish and ammonia. I thought I was gonna puke. As he raised the fourth shot glass, his hand started to quiver. His eyes began to cloud. He tipped his head back slowly making sure every drop dripped from the shot glass. He tipped so far, in fact, that he fell off the stool and landed with a crash on the barroom floor. It was lights out.

I glanced at his buddy. His buddy glowered at me. There would be no girl again as I hit the door running.

Some people ask why I persevere. I tell them I’m a chick magnet, believing that one day I’ll stick.

Grilled Chicken Kabobs

3 skinless, boneless chicken breasts (cut into bite-sized chunks)

16 oz. package fresh mushrooms

1 green pepper (cut into chunks)

1 pint grape or cherry tomatoes

1 medium onion (cut into chunks)

Marinade

1 cup soy sauce

1 cup lemon juice

1 cup oil

Salt

Pepper

Put chicken and mushrooms in marinade and refrigerate 2-3 hours or overnight. On skewers, alternate chicken, mushrooms, peppers, onion, and tomatoes. Grill over medium heat 8-10 minutes, turning occasionally and basting with marinade. There will be plenty leftover to stir fry or grill two to three nights later.