When I answered the door on that sunny Saturday in Sidney, South Dakota, I stood face-to-face with a young blond. She asked if I would sign a card for a chance at a drawing her company was having. I did. She was sexy.

Blondie then reached into the bag she was carrying and pulled out a beautiful set of silverware and said it could be mine free. Before I knew it, she was inside the house unpacking a vacuum cleaner. The deal, I guess, silverware in exchange for displaying her wares.

“Did you vacuum your rug today?” she asked, kneeling at my feet.

“Yes,” I answered, unsure of what I was doing.

“Let’s see how good you did.” Blondie whistled while she worked. She removed the cleaner filter and proudly displayed the dirt.

I was impressed.

Pleased with my response, Blondie lit a cigarette, sat cross-legged on the floor, and abruptly began to tell me her life story.

“I’m in the process of getting divorced,” she said. “My husband treated me like the rug we’re sitting on. I left him in Texas and moved up here about a month ago with my two daughters. We live nearby. Alone.”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her as she stared at me through blueberry eyes.

“Where do you sleep?” she asked suddenly in a soft southern drawl.

I swallowed hard and pointed toward the bedroom.

“Come with me,” she said, pulling the machine behind her. I began to panic. I’d heard about similar situations happening, usually in the larger cities. Sure I was looking for a companion but not an instant family.

“You coming?” Blondie called from behind the door.

Like a leery cat, I slunk into the bedroom and clawed at a window to try and open it.

“I need to be turned on,” Blondie said, as I nearly fell through the glass. Swallowing hard again, I turned to tell her I thought it all seemed kinda sudden.

“Look, I can’t…” I stopped short as Blondie stood holding the plug.

“You can’t what?”

“Uh, uh, I can’t believe your husband treated you like a rug,” I stuttered. She had me. I felt like a toad without warts. I’d been stripped of all manners decent. She definitely knew what she was doing as she made a clean sweep of my gullibility.

With the contracts signed, Blondie smiled and waved goodbye, leaving me holding the cleaner bags.

If you check out my sight on eBay, you’ll find a beautiful, seldom used, vacuum for sale.

The bags are free.

BBQ Pork Ribs

1 1/2 to 2 pounds of pork      ribs

1 cup ketchup

¼ cup vinegar

¼ cup brown sugar

1/3 cup water

3 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons minced garlic

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 tablespoon chili powder

Water

Melt butter in saucepan, add garlic and cook until browned. Add the rest of your ingredients and simmer over low heat until thick. If sauce is too thick, add a little more water. Meanwhile, remove skin from the back of ribs. Place in baking dish, add two cups of water, cover with foil, and bake 1 ½ to 2 hours at 300 degrees. About 45 minutes before cooking time is done, start your charcoal. Remove ribs from oven, baste with sauce, and finish cooking on grill (about 10 to 15 minutes) flipping twice. Baste ribs with sauce each time you flip them. There isn’t much that gets any better!