Here’s a little known fact: When Columbus first landed on America’s east side, his ship was carrying 40 crates of prized English-bred chickens. Chris had made a deal with the Queen of England. Columbus told the Queen that if he was right in his assumption that the world was round and not flat, as she had suspected, that he and his crew would need at least 400 chickens to stay healthy, procreate, and establish a new colony so she could cruise across “The Big Pond,” take a little vacation, maybe build a summer home, and return to England assured that her money that sponsored his voyage had been well spent and that she could prosper in the new territory.

The Queen, high on the idea of having a vacation home in a foreign land, accepted Chris’ proposal.

All was well with the arraignment until the Native Americans caught wind of Chris’ deal and cried foul. Knowing the chaos the coming of a Queen could bring, the Indians conspired to pluck Columbus of his chickens and send him packing.

Late one night, while sitting around a campfire, Chief Holy Buzz passed a peace pipe filled with some “smoke” his friends from Mexico had taught him to cultivate. Chris, never having partaken of the pipe before, became extremely light-headed and happy. Throwing his arms around his newfound smoking buddy, Chris, giggling wildly, traded the 400 chickens for a couple ounces of the homegrown weed.

Chris and his crew, like a bunch of college kids, smoked their booty in a few short days. With no chickens to slaughter, and desperate for food and late-night snacks, the men began stealing from the Indians. With each visit to the village, the men stuffed ears of corn in their pants and rolled-up venison jerky in their shirt sleeves. But the Indians caught on quickly to what was happening; especially when the village women began noticing the white men walking around looking like porn stars.

When Chief Holy Buzz confronted Columbus concerning the thievery, Chris profusely apologized and blamed the ill behavior of him and his men on global warming. The chief, all the wiser, accepted the explorer’s explanation, in part, to save any possible tribal fallout from those in the clan who also believed environmental change was occurring.

Punishment had to be dealt swiftly, however, to quell the situation. The chief, trying to save face and ward off future shenanigans by the white men, and an uprising by his own people, banished Chris and his crew to their boats instructing them never to set foot in the territory again.

It’s not clear how Columbus and his crew managed to survive without the help of the Indians. Some believe they sailed further south and secured the aid of a Mexican drug cartel in Northern Florida.

In the months that followed, Chief Holy Buzz found ways to cook chicken like the entire Indian Nation had never seen before – including this recipe that was discovered rolled up in paper that looked amazingly like a cigarette.

Go figure.

Chicken Fingers

 

 

 

 

 

2 boneless chicken breast halves

2 cups crushed cracker crumbs

1 egg (beaten)

Garlic powder

Salt

Chili powder

 

Wash chicken breasts and cut into strips approximately one-inch wide. Mix cracker crumbs and seasonings to taste. If you like spicy “fingers,” add approximately one-half teaspoon of chili powder and garlic powder to cracker crumbs. If you don’t like so spicy, add less. This is your call. When you have your cracker crumbs and seasoning mixed, dip chicken pieces into egg mixture and coat with cracker-crumb mixture. Put chicken pieces on cookie sheet sprayed with cooking oil and bake at 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes or until browned. Serve with ketchup, mustard, or your favorite sauce.